Fear not my friends, these are not of the swimming and chomping variety, but the footwear that helps comfort the soles of zoftig Americans everywhere. I’ve bought crocs…and not even real ones, but knock-offs! I think I’ve gone country. It only took about one week. Sure, I don’t think many of my neighbors are digging their vegetable patches in crocs – the dirt slides easily through those little holes – but the fact that I even own a pair is a sign of the apocalypse.
By morning I am a gardner, chopping down trees and digging deep vegetable gardens for some mythical “spinach” I am going to plant this week (or, more realistically, for next year’s planting season). I then have some lunch, spend some money at a garden store or cute home boutique, and then transform into a carpenter and remove wallpaper.
There is something very cathartic about removing wallpaper. Especially the stuff that’s been on the wall for decades. It can be hard in places and then super easy in others – and the common wisdom is right, when you can pull a big piece off in one go, you have a sense of overwhelming satisfaction. But accomplishment comes with those hard-to-get bits of paste as well.
Did I mention I bought some knock-off crocs? And I’m writing about removing wallpaper? And I have cuts on my arms from chicken wire and some poison ivy in very uncomfortable places (on my hands). Did I mention I’ve gone country? But not all hope is lost. I am still able to laugh at British comedies and know when I’m drinking a good red wine. Oh, I forgot to tell you, my crabapple tree has produced a large crop this year. I think I may try and make a wine. After all, I’ve gone country.