Andrew's Blog

A City Boy Making His Way in the Country
February 2011

Beds…done! Breakfast…this week!

The beds are bought.  That’s half the battle.  Now it’s time to start working on the breakfast.  This week, we’re in test kitchen mode.  Mind you, minus the boring white guy from Vermont talking about the best buy in dry milk.  We’re more exciting.  We’ve got delicious breakfasts.  Erm, I just need to decide on them.

Bacon?  Yes!  Fresh fruits and juices?  Of course?  But what Belgium waffle recipe to use?  So many waffles, and so little time!  But fear not, I shall try them all.  And I’ve been considering the pajama jean to compensate for my bulging waste-line.

We’ll be sure to keep you informed of our final decisions.  Breakfasts will change daily.  If you choose to stay for a week, your breakfast will be different each day!  That’s better than any Hampton Inn can provide.  Oh, we have new Sony fantastic devices in each room that are super fancy.  Take that mediocrity!  While eating breakfast, you can find out what the weather will be that day.  America is good.  Technology is great!

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Color out of control.

I am a color god.  It’s true.  Just ask my closet. I’m like Isaac Mizrahi without the disappointing, and perhaps devastating, fall from fashion favor in the past century.  But this week, I went overboard.  I went from taste maker to Goldie Hawn caring for three trashy children in the blink of an eye.  But, fear not, I’ve recovered.  And I have come from the brink both humbled and with more confidence.

I crossed my color palette.  I went yellow and blue.  A meek yellow and a strong blue.  It was chaos.  Dogs started barking.  Children began to cry.  And I peed my pants.  But with some quick thinking, and a trusty can of “swan” white, I have remedied all wrongs.

Today, the blue and the yellow have found harmony.  They are co-habiting on an accent wall in the spirit of the Palestinian peace process.  And I’m back, baby!  Now, I’m on to the floors.  I’m not having incredible success sanding at the moment…and the sander needs to be returned tomorrow…but I believe in miracles.  Or a chic, spotty floor.  It’s the new trend.  At least, it will be.

And so, Ohio’s Martha Stewart (P.S. that’s me), enters the final phase of Orchard House decorating with a head the size of Russia.  Beauty and sophistication abound.  Next week, we move on to breakfast testing.  Get a-ready my dear Donnie, we’z about to get our waffle on!

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The new website. Go to it now!

The day has arrived.  Call the children in from the playground.  Cosette, the light is fading.  Clean up the dirty dinner dishes.  Gather ye ’round the family computer and get your fingers-a-typing!  Visit: – it’s new.  It’s fresh.  It’s ahmazing!

You can reserve rooms.  Read about the Donald and Andrew.  And you can be wowed by my web-creation skills.  j/k.  lmao.  I am Internet clueless.  But Donnie, now, that’s another story!  He’s a master.  Like if Steve Wozniak and Redd Foxx had a love child.  And the site is pure Farm Style – Modern Comfort!

Let us know what you think.  Leave a comment or two.  Or, better yet, reserve a room.  P.S. I know we’re a little picture-lite at the moment.  Give us a week…and you’ll be drowning in gorgeous images involving both recharging and relaxing.  In the meantime, close your eyes, and picture perfection.  You’ll be half way here already.

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This week at Orchard House is going to be great!  Really though, better than great!  Like if you could have dinner with Cher and then get drunk with Lindsey Lohan or do pilates with Madonna.  The bathrooms should be done this week.  I’m painting and sanding floors like a beast.  And our new website is launching…tomorrow.

Last night we attended a wonderful fundraiser at The Works in Newark.  By coincidence, we ran into our gorgeous neighbors at the event, and were introduced to many of our fellow Granvillians.  And after, we went to Meijer, where Donnie walked the fluorescent soaked aisles and kept proclaiming, “I just feel comfortable here.”

This week I need to read about sheep – as our pair are coming next week.  I need to decide on our breakfast menu…and cook it a few times…as we are opening March 1.  Yes, March 1st.  March first!  It’s all Lucky Charms and watermelon Bubble Yum over here.  Positive thoughts will get us into the end zone.  (Sorry, I’m watching the Super Bowl.)  If our great country can get a man on the moon or if Sarah Palin can be elected to a public office, then we can have Orchard House Bed and Breakfast ready to open in 22 days!

We bought a sofa today.  And some amazing side tables.  And P.S., when I say amazing, I mean dirty amazing!  So much more is left to buy!  Luckily, I’m a shopping specialist.  I would rival any of those tacky housewives or even a Hilton or two.  I’m like Jonathan Adler without the stupid pottery.  Or the nostalgic, but icky, references to the seventies.

And so it’s all rainbows and butterflies here at Orchard House.  My Little Pony’s are frolicking with the llamas.  The Smurfs are singing songs of love.  And I may be mistaken, but I think we have a play-date with the Muppet Baby gang this week.  I’ll ask Baby Kermit his inspiration for the Rainbow Connection.  Because, of course, Orchard House will be opening soon, for the lovers, the dreamers, and me!

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Opening day’s a comin’, and it’s a comin’ soon!

Like a mouth at the dentist office, we’re opening wide up!  Ready to have people scrutinize, dissect, and fall in love with Orchard House.  Opening day?  March 1.  March 1st.  March first.  Mars be damned, this day will be filled with peace and love.

It would be great if we had a guest for the opening.  But if not, I will rest in the satisfaction that the rooms are complete, the furniture is purchased, and the breakfasts are planned.  I’m tired already.  My back aches, my bank account aches, and my kittens are happy.  Supremely so.

As I empty the remaining boxes in the house, I have discovered, perhaps, possibly, I may be an addict.  There are currently about 80 random pieces of glassware sitting on the counter waiting for their Ellis Island moment.  Yes, you can stay.  Is that a cough?  Sorry, nope, back to the ship with you!  But like any good GA (Glassware Anonymous) member, I have apologized to the cabinets for stuffing them, and have made a decision to cull my collection.  Tomorrow is the day.  And Goodwill will be the recipient.

Our Walden Room is finished.  95 percent so.  The Barbizon Room?  Not ready yet.  Waiting, waiting, the waiting for our bathrooms to be finished.  We’re close.  The sinks are in.  A toilet flushes.  This darn ice/snow storm has stopped work for two days.  It also has flooded my barn.  Poor llamas with hooves in muddy coldness.  But we will all preserver.  Llamas and toilets alike.

March 1.  A day that will live in infamy.  Can you make it to Granville for our opening day?  I’ll have the wine on standby.  And the breakfast will be divine.

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