Well, well, well, what is this a picture of? It’s gorgeous. Nay, stupendous! It must be located somewhere very fancy. Like a Vanderbilt palace. Perhaps Anderson Cooper’s penthouse. But it isn’t. They wish they had something so nice. This tables actual location? The Orchard House dining room. Yes…sexy! Je sais.
The table’s top was made by a cabinet maker in Covington. It’s made with reclaimed barn wood from Sydney, Ohio. I don’t know where that is either, but it doesn’t diminish the impact. It’s thick, it’s glossy, and it’s covered in worm holes. Miss Coco Peru would be proud to speak of it in her monologue. Bob Villa would be happy to eat his mother’s cobbler in a vintage wedgwood plate on the intricate top. Blueberries never tasted so sweet.
This picture? A beautiful leg. There are four of them. These supports were turned from solid wood beams from a barn in Clifton, Ohio. Again, I have no clue where that is. But, again, it doesn’t diminish the impact. They are spectacular. And there is a surprise in the table. Farm implements are involved. You’ll need to visit Orchard House to see them in action.
And who, pray tell, made this beast? The top was a cabinet maker, as previously mentioned. The base? Don’s brother Dan. It’s family made. Leave the gun, take the cannolis. He spent countless hours crafting this beauty. He faced road blocks, concrete-like wood, and carbide tipped tool implements. But it all worked out well. It’s all worked out!
And now? Now we eat food. Like we always have. But on a darn fancy table. Come to Orchard House and have some wine with us at the table. Maybe Anderson Cooper will be here, with his husky dog eyes, sipping a barolo, and telling us stories of Egypt and the tables they have there. And how none compare to this piece of art.